


Impossible

by xSaturnx



Series: Hold me, Thrilled me, Kiss me, Kill me [1]
Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, Mild Smut, Romance, Some Fluff, only one bed au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 16:21:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17943122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSaturnx/pseuds/xSaturnx
Summary: This is for the Clexaweek 2019 Challenge Day 3: "Only one bed".---What happens if Clarke finds an injured Lexa in the dirt and decides to take care of her? Intense emotions pulling them towards each other in a hopeless situation and on top of that there's only one bed.





	Impossible

In the distance, Clarke saw a body lying in the dirt. Glancing around she could see the countless trees surrounding the landscape, but other than that there was not much to see. At this time, soon after sunrise, the trading artery was often empty, only the dust the hooves of her horse would poach up was accompanying her. She got her horse to stop, and with a soft thud, she landed on her feet. Carefully while glancing around, only witnessing the dim light of the sun play through the leaves, she approached the body. Once she was close enough to have a better view of the motionless body in front of her, she could see brown hair messily sprawled around. The stranger’s breath was heavy but existent. Staring at the back of the person in front of her she observed that the stranger’s garment was ripped in different places. It was a risky move after all this could be a trap, but somehow the heavy breathing and the appearance of the stranger told her that it wasn’t. She couldn’t just turn around, that was not who she was.

Giving her surroundings a last glance over, she kneeled next to the body, her hands grabbing the sides of the stranger and while trying not to put too much sudden force on the possibly injured body in front of her, she turned it around. With a hitch in her breath, she realized that it was, in fact, a woman. She could see blood sticking at the hairline of long brown hair. The leather garment had some dark stains, probably blood, as well. Some ugly looking wounds were visible through the ripped places of the fabric.

 

Clarke didn’t need any trouble, but she also didn’t have it in her to leave the woman at her fate. She knew that this stranger was lucky to be somewhat alive until now. The next person who found her might do worse to her.

 

Carefully she pushed aside the fabric at the damaged parts of her torso to see how deep her wounds were. Clarke took in a sharp breath, those wounds weren’t life-threatening yet, but they were deep. She would have to clean them and stitch the girl up in several places. Then they could only hope that she wouldn’t develop an infection.

 

"Just great, exactly what I needed,“ she mumbled somewhat annoyed to herself about the fact that she couldn’t just turn around.

 

Carefully she lifted the stranger’s body on her horse putting her somewhat into a sitting position, to not call too much attention on them. If it would be too obvious that one of them was wounded, and on top of that unconscious, they would have a target on their backs immediately.

Securing the wounded girl in her front between her arms she navigated the horse back to her cabin. Thankfully it was a short ride, and once she managed to carry the brunette into her cabin, she regretted that it was just meant for her. There was no other way than to place her onto her bed, her only bed. The only other option would have been the floor, which honestly was impossible considering the fact that she would be in enough pain already once she woke up.

As she placed the stranger on her bed, she collected all the things she needed. Her instruments to stitch her up, a bowl of water with a cloth to clean the wounds, herbs, balms, and bandages. As she placed everything on the nightstand, she sat down beside the stranger. Her fingertips caressed the sharp cheekbones of the girl, Clarke wondered what had put the brunette in this situation. The high temperature of her skin hinted that a fever was approaching. Taking a knife in her hand, she started to cut through the garments. It wouldn’t make sense to bother with peeling her out of her clothing if they were trash by now anyway. She tried hard to stay professional and not gaze at the muscular body in front of her. If they had met under different circumstances... Clarke didn’t dare to finish that thought. While she cleaned the open gashes on her stomach and shoulder, she had to keep herself from tracing the black inks of the tribal tattoo on her arm. Carefully, she caressed the wound with the cloth, alternating between getting all dirt out and cleaning it in the bowl she had placed close by. Once the injuries were as clean as possible, she poured an antiseptic lotion on them before she could start to get everything ready for closing the gashes up.

When the needle came in contact with the stomach wound for the first time a hand shot up, closing around her throat. Green eyes widened in shock, staring back at her. The stranger was breathing rapidly while her grip hardened. Clarke tried to stay calm. No one could blame the brunette for reacting that way. She lifted her arms in defeat, trying to signal that she meant no harm. The forehead of the other girl furrowed. She loosened her grip so Clarke could speak.

 

“You are wounded. I found you on my way home. I’m trying to help you,“ she said softly, trying to keep her explanation simple.

 

The brunette broke their eye contact, observing her surroundings. Her gaze fell on the nightstand, then on her body. Closing her eyes for a moment, she drew in a deep breath and let her hand fall from Clarke’s throat.

Clarke let out a relieved breath, stretching her neck a bit.

 

 

"May I continue?“ She simply asked holding the needle in her hand up.

 

Green eyes fluttered open, Clarke tried her best not to get lost in them. After some heartbeats, she just gave the nod. Clarke took one of the bandages from the nightstand.

 

"Bite this if you need it. This is gonna hurt,“ there was no way to make this sound any better, so she didn’t even try.

 

The brunette took the bandage still looking skeptical at her. Clarke rose her eyebrows in a silent question, and the stranger signaled her with a nod that she could continue.

 

Clarke didn’t lie. It did hurt. The wounds were deep and long. She needed several stitches. The other girl locked her jaw and gritted her teeth together, her body was twisting in pain, but she didn’t make one sound. After a few minutes, she passed out again. At least she wouldn’t have to go through all of the pain.

 

When Clarke had made sure she hadn’t missed anything, she covered her bandaged body in fur blankets, the sun had already set. Carefully she lifted the strangers head and made her drink some medicine against infection and fever. Now all she could do was wait, while she tried to ignore the beauty of the brunette.

 

Clarke placed some furs on the ground that would serve as her sleeping place until her patient recovered. With a sigh she laid down, cuddling up into the puddle of furs. With eyes already closed, she tried to find some sleep, but green eyes won’t leave her inner vision.

 

——————————

 

Everything was black, Lexa tried to open her eyes, but her body didn’t obey. She felt hot and cold at the same time. Her muscles were burning. Wait. Was it her muscles or something else? She tried to focus her senses. Several spots in her body were shooting a burning pain through her. Her limbs felt numb. The pain increased and softened again in a loop. Then she lost the feeling of her body again, flowing in the darkness. What she recognized next was a stinging pain and something cold connecting with her skin. With a fast movement, she was able to lift what she thought was her arm. Her hands closed around something warm and soft. Finally, she was able to open her eyes. Everything was blurry, all she could see was something blue which calmed her nerves at first. As she regained more focus, she realized that the blue belonged to a person. She closed her grip with all the energy left in her body. The world came more into vision. Blonde hair, blue eyes reminding her of the sky. Someone was choking. She was choking. Arms were lifted in defeat. She was beautiful. Lexa‘s eyebrows furrowed. Who was this woman? Loosening her grip, Lexa gave the woman a chance to speak, her eyes looking like they didn’t mean any harm.

 

"You are wounded. I found you on my way home. I’m trying to help you,“ a voice said, probably the softest voice she'd ever heard.

 

Lexa let her gaze take in the surroundings. She was in a bed; a nightstand came into her vision, everything placed on it seemed to be for healing. Her eyes fell closed again; she didn’t have the energy to leave them open for long. With a deep breath, she let her hand slip from the throat of the healer. She needed help, that much she was able to perceive. This woman didn’t look like a threat yet, and Lexa didn’t have the power to fight. But her senses betrayed her rarely.

 

"May I continue?“, Lexa’s eyes fluttered open again. She was surprised her body obeyed. A needle came to her vision. All she could do was to nod. Her gaze falling onto lips, which looked way too soft. She knew this was going to hurt; this wasn’t the worse she had been through, that gave her some hope. She wouldn’t stay conscious long enough to witness it all anyways. If she had been more responsive, she would have given a sassy reply about the bandage.

A piercing pain shot through her body. Her reflexes betrayed her. She wasn’t able to keep still. She locked her jaw not wanting to give away sounds of pain. She was a warrior in her heart after all. After another wave of pain raided her body, everything went black again, with her last thought she questioned why she felt safe after all.

 

_Lexa was walking a fast pace not looking back, the forest was no place for a horse, that’s why she didn’t take it with her, but right now she wished she wouldn’t have gone there. She had a follower that much she knew. He wasn’t as subtle as he thought, but he was good. Being alert she tried to read her surroundings, sharpen her senses to make out where he was, but so far she lost track of his whereabouts. She decided to keep her pace, not knowing if he detected that she knew of his presence. If she started running, he would make his move immediately, and she would lose the only possible advantage she had at this moment. Her body was pulsing with adrenaline. She was aiming for the trading artery, hoping she could make it close before she were attacked. Her abilities would probably protect her if her follower were alone, but not if there were more of them, considering that he had to be quiet skillful for her not being able to detect him anymore. That knowledge in mind she could hope and stay alert. Her hands were in place to immediately grab her daggers, her sword, her bow, anything._

 

With a gasp, Lexa jolted up, instantly regretting her movement as the burning pain pierced through her body. Her skin was covered in sweat; she felt hot. Heaving in fast breaths, she looked around.

 

“Shhh,“ sounded a raspy voice beside her, “you are safe.“

 

Her gaze fell on the blonde healer kneeling beside the bed, worry evident in her eyes. 

 

“Where am I, who are you?“ She could see that she was in a cabin meant for only one person, but that was all she knew. 

 

The blonde put a hand on Lexa’s shoulder pushing her gently back in the mattress. "You are safe. That’s all that matters right now, and I’m Clarke. Rest.“

 

"Are you alone?“ Lexa looked around another time, her eyes recognizing the furs on the ground.

 

"Yes, it’s only me.“

 

Lexa nodded to herself still looking at the furs, it didn’t look like the other girl was lying, but one could never be sure.

 

Clarke followed Lexa’s gaze, “That’s my bed for now.“

 

Lexa tried to pull her body up another time; teeth gritted in pain. The hand appeared on her shoulder again, pushing her into the mattress.

 

"Stay, rest. You’re gonna pull your stitches. I’m fine there,“ her tone and the serious look in her eyes didn’t leave room for any discussion, Lexa sensed that much. No matter who this girl was so far she had only helped her, and she didn’t mean to impose.

 

“You’re gonna heal much better if you’re comfortable,“ Clarke tried to convince her.

 

With a sigh, she gave up. She was way too tired anyway. Rewarded with a beautiful smile which made her stomach swirl, she succeeded in pushing away the sleep just for a minute longer.

 

“Lexa,“ she mumbled

 

“What?“

 

“My name. Lexa“ was all she could mutter before her eyes fell closed again.

 

—————————

 

Clarke’s slumber was interrupted by a sudden movement. Her eyes snapped open, the other girl was almost in a sitting position, chest rising and falling with fast breaths. In the blink of an eye, she was at the side of the stranger trying to comfort her. The concern and confusion of the brunette were relatable, in this world one had always to keep an eye open, never trusting anyone. Nevertheless, Lexa didn’t have another choice, she had trusted her for the moment. Clarke tried to make it easier for her. 

So she tried to comfort her as good as she could, soothing words escaped her lips in the hope they wouldn’t fall on deaf ears. For now, it looked like she succeeded, the brunette seemed skeptical but also calmed down. 

_Lexa_ , finally she could put a name to the foreign person in front of her. She watched the brunette while she drifted back to sleep, her expression softening until it fully relaxed. Closing her eyes for a moment Clarke released the breath she didn’t know she was holding. Once she had confirmed the brunette was, in fact, sound asleep she retreated to her pile of furs, the sun was still down and a few more hours of sleep wouldn’t hurt. 

The next time she opened her eyes she was alerted by the sound of tossing and turning. Blinking her eyes open her gaze fell on Lexa’s body moving around the bed.  _Shit, she’s gonna pull her stitches_ , she got up immediately. Sweat was covering the forehead of the brunette. Clarke sat down beside her. Grabbing a cloth, she softly whipped away the salty pearls forming on her tanned skin. “Shhh, you’re okay,“ she tried in a soothing tone — her free hand caressing Lexa’s cheek. The brunette’s movements slowed down, but she didn’t wake up. Clarke started to hum a soft melody, her palm caressing Lexa’s neck. With a sigh, her body sank into the mattress, “Lexa?“ No response. The back of Clarke’s hand touched her forehead. The fever had increased slightly, it wasn’t dangerous yet, but she couldn’t take any chances. She moved back the furs covering Lexa’s body; she checked the injuries. The brunette didn’t even wake up as she started to remove the bandages, which made her smile. Somehow it was endearing to see her so sound asleep, sometimes mumbling something incoherently. This time she failed to ignore the attractive features of Lexa’s body. Strong muscles and delicious looking abs awakened the craving to let her hands wander in the core of her soul. Clarke bit her lip,  _put yourself together for fuck's sake_ , she chastised herself more than one time. For the first time in her life, she wondered if the stories of two souls meant for each other carried some truth. She had rejected them always, not believing in such things as destiny and fate. But there had to be an explanation for how she could feel this certain pull towards Lexa, barely knowing the other woman.

Lost in her thoughts, she failed to notice that her hands moved on her own accord, tracing the upper body in front of her.

 

“Do you always take advantage of the state helplessness your patients are in Clarke?“

 

The clicking of the “k“ on Lexa’s tongue sent a shiver down her spine. A blush creeping up her neck, Clarke noticed the smug smirk playing on Lexa’s lips.

 

“The fever has gone to your head,“ Clarke dryly stated. 

 

“Whatever you say, Clarke,“ the brunette saying her name like that drove Clarke insane. 

 

“Talk less and drink this,“ Clarke held out a mug with herbs dissolved in water. 

 

Clarke told herself that it was completely necessary to put her hand in Lexa’s chin, lifting it a bit so that the brunette could drink easily. It wasn’t. She saw Lexa’s throat bobbing, while she gulped down the liquid. 

 

“Good girl,“ she heard herself praising before she could stop herself. 

 

Lexa’s eyes darkened momentarily, her head falling back into soft cushions. 

 

“Sleep,“ she commanded Lexa.

 

Lexa lifted one eyebrow, “It has been some time since someone last commanded me like that.“ 

 

“Get used to it then.“

 

“I’m starting to like you, Clarke,“ a knowing smile played on Lexa’s lips. 

Again, Clarke’s insides started spinning; she wondered how obvious she was.

 

Lexa obeyed, the herbs getting her eyelids heavy, she was soon a goner. Clarke couldn’t deny that it was a well-needed break, the brunette challenged her resolve effectively.

 

The next hours were uneventful; the herbs sat heavy on Lexa’s body. From time to time Lexa’s eyes fluttered open, they would share glances. Those short exchanges marked the day.

 

That was until Lexa started tossing again.

 

———————

 

_Sharp metal slit through her skin. That was it, she was sure. Her recklessness called in her depth. With a grunt, she jumped back. Her body slackening she held her abdomen, warm liquid sickered through the leather._

 

_Four men surrounded her._

 

_"A fast death is way too easy for you,“ one of them said with joy in his voice, "who would have thought you would fall this easily.“_

 

_Another sharp pain in her shoulder. Her vision became blurry._

 

“ _You’re gonna die in the dirt, life fading away from you slowly,“ knuckles collided with her lips._

 

_She stayed put while she was waiting for the right moment to show her defeat. She would stay alive, even if she were going to crawl on all her fours to her rescue. She couldn’t die, she wasn’t finished with this world. And these men would pay for their lack of playing it safe._

 

Lexa regretted immediately the movement she did once she arched out of her dream. Grinding her teeth, she held her body. A hand landed on her shoulder, she immediately flinched, pulling at the arm, her other hand closed around a throat. As she finally came to full awareness, her eyes landed on the shocked expression of her blonde savior. Their faces were close. Startled by her own actions, she let go of Clarke in an instant. The calm vibe of the blonde soothed her back into safety.

 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.. I just..I wanted to help,“ The blonde spluttered a fragmented explanation. 

 

The guilt she was feeling, towards the woman who had done nothing than helping her, provided her with the needed energy to blink away the sleep for another pair of minutes.

 

——————

 

Clarke was about to retreat, but Lexa grabbed her arm, vulnerable eyes were staring back at her. A view she could have melted into right at this moment. Bottom lip between her teeth she tried to contain herself, this was getting more difficult with every passing second.

 

“What’s wrong, do you need something? Clarke asked worriedly.

 

“Bed,“ Lexa murmured with a sleepy voice.

 

“What?“ Clarke was confused, not having a clue what the other girl had in mind.

 

“Ground’s not comfy...get into bed,“ Lexa fought against the sleep threatening to take over her body. 

 

Clarke’s eyes softened, taken aback by the concern of the brunette. “It’s okay Lexa, don’t worry.“

 

“Please,“ Lexa whispered her eyes pleading.

 

Clarke sighs, “okay move over,“ how could she say no to that look?

 

Lexa moved her heavy body to make room for Clarke, wincing slightly in pain. Clarke slipped under the covers, careful not to accidentally hurt her. The blonde rested her body weight on her elbow, reaching out with her free hand letting her fingertips ghost over Lexa’s shoulder “You okay?“

 

Lexa nodded with closed eyes, sighing at the contact. Her breaths evened out.

 

Clarke took a moment to look at Lexa. She was lying on her back; her face relaxed, deep breaths indicated that she was already asleep. All sleep was gone from her the moment she joined Lexa in the bed. Their proximity pulling at her senses. Her hand reached out to trace Lexa’s cheekbones with her fingertips. Was it bad that she wished the brunette would heal slower so she could stay a while longer? Their time was limited to the moment when Lexa could return to wherever she came from. Her heart was aching with this fact; she chuckled silently to herself. She didn’t know this girl, barely spoke to her but she still felt a certain pull towards her. Was it the loneliness, her sense of responsibility, or just the fact that there was something special between them logic wouldn’t be able to grasp? 

 

——————

 

The chirping of birds slowly brought Lexa back from a deep slumber, the darkness fading. Blinking her eyes open Lexa moved her head to the side. Her vision was still a bit blurry from the fever she developed, which made the scene beside her more surreal. Clarke was sound asleep beside her. She was lying on her side body turned to Lexa, almost touching. Her head was close to hers, face resting on her palm. Lexa took a deep breath and focused on the ceiling. So she didn’t dream about inviting the other girl into the bed. Heart racing, she turned her head again, it was like a magnetism pulling her towards Clarke. Almost automatically her body turned to the side so she could be closer, enjoy the closeness of this moment. It has been a long time since she was so close to someone in friendly terms. Her wounds were flashing a wave of pain through her body, but she ignored it for the moment. Way too captured by the beauty of the healer. Her gaze went from the beauty mark above Clarke’s upper lip to an inviting looking neck. She moved a few strands of blonde hair blocking the view away. Eyelids fluttered, Lexa panicked freezing in place. One eye opened, blue, she wanted to get lost in staring back at her. Lexa’s breathing increased. She was sure Clarke noticed. 

 

“Mornin’,“ Clarke whispered her lips curving into a soft smile. 

 

“Morning,“ Lexa whispered back.

 

They didn’t move. Clarke’s eyes now fully open they stared back at each other. Neither could deny the tension between them — an overwhelming force aligning their souls. Lexa held her breath as she felt Clarke’s fingertips lightly tracing her side under the covers. Shivering slightly she closed her eyes at the soft touch, not being able to grasp the fact that these simple touches were turning her insides into a pulsating mess. She felt lips ghosting over her neck, failing at holding back a soft whimper which escaped from her throat. 

 

“You should lay on your back, you’re gonna tense your stitches,“ Clarke whispered into her ear, earning another whimper from Lexa.

 

She obeyed, gulping when Clarke put her knees on her sides to hover over Lexa.

 

“I should check your wounds,“ Clarke’s voice was getting husky. 

 

With a nod from Lexa, Clarke pulled down the blanket. The blonde reached for the knife on the nightstand. 

Lexa’s eyes got trapped at Clarke’s breasts which got extremely close to her face with the movement. Lexa fisted the covers to keep her hands from extracting. The cold metal touching her skin made her breath hitch while Clarke cut the bandages and removed them. 

 

“It’s healing well but it’s a bit swollen, we have to keep an eye on this,“ she expressed while her palms gently caressed the skin of her stomach, “That’s where the fever comes from I’m guessing.“

 

Lexa bit her lip nodding dumbly at the words she struggled to make sense of. The hands on her stomach distracting her endlessly, sending butterflies everywhere; if it weren’t too obvious, she would bite her lip. Nevertheless, there was a question she must ask. "How long…“ Lexa didn’t finish her sentence, not sure how she wanted it to be uttered. How long… do we have? Until we have to part? Until my wounds are healed and I can continue my duty? All of that suddenly felt wrong.

 

Judging by Clarke’s look, she understood exactly what she meant. “Three to four days,“ a sad edge was apparent in her voice, her hands stilling on Lexa’s stomach “even though I would recommend a week at least to be sure, but I’m guessing you’re not one to rest longer than you need until you can move adequately again.“ 

 

Lexa put her hands on top of Clarke’s. The words left unsaid between them. Still, both were aware of them.  _I don’t know why but I don’t want to go, and I don’t know why but I want you to stay._ Was what they would say to each other. They didn’t. 

Clarke suddenly moved forward, connecting their foreheads. Lexa saw her taking in a deep breath, eyes dancing between hers and her lips. Clarke’s scent clouded her thoughts. Blue eyes were pleading, Lexa stared into them and lost herself, floating through marvelous skies. With a deep breath, Clarke closed her eyes.

 

“We shouldn’t make this any more difficult than it already is,“ neither of them was sure if Clarke was saying that more to herself than to Lexa. For a moment Clarke’s lips ghosted over Lexa’s lips, “I should stock us with food.“

 

With that Lexa suddenly felt cold, Clarke’s proximity missing and the thud of the door indicated her disappearance.

 

 

———————

 

 

Clarke leaned against her door, chest rising and falling with shuddering breaths. In her mind images of Lexa’s intense eyes. The feeling of soft skin and firm muscles against her now sweaty palms was still apparent. She took a shaky breath. She couldn’t shake the picture of Lexa with rosy cheeks lying on her bed. Where did all this come from? They knew each other barely for two days, how was it possible that she already had such strong feelings? Even worse Lexa’s eyes had been a mirror of her own feelings, which made everything more difficult. How would they get out of this without getting hurt? Lexa would go at some point, the separation of their paths was inevitable. 

She forced herself to move, not trusting herself to go back inside. Tried to forget how Lexa’s skin felt, what her soft whimpers were doing to her. She forced her legs heavy, with the want to turn around, towards her horse. It wasn’t a lie that she should stock themselves, her supply didn’t count in another person. 

The wind was blowing on her face, the sounds of hooves on the ground calming her heart. Absentmindedly she made it to Niylah’s shop; usually, she did her fair share of hunting, she was more than capable of looking out for herself, barely in need to purchase anything. But today she wanted to be fast.

"Hello Niylah,“ Clarke greeted the woman warmly. 

 

“Clarke, it’s been a while,“ Niylah smiled softly at her. The woman had a soft spot for her. Clarke knew that. After she moved out here, she had treated her with more favors than she would hope for. 

 

Clarke listed down the ingredients she would need for the next days, handing it to Niylah. “That’s all for now."

 

Niylah rose her eyebrows, "You have grown lazy." 

 

Clarke averted her eyes, "I have company…“ she just murmured not wanting to fill her in about the fact that she’s taking care of a wounded stranger.

 

Niylah’s expression shifted into hurt for a flash moment, she hid it immediately, but Clarke detected it. She felt sorry for Niylah, she was a wonderful woman, but Clarke just didn’t reciprocate her feelings. “Oh, that makes sense,“ she disappeared in the back to collect everything Clarke needed. 

 

Clarke fiddled through the store. Letting her hand caress the furs on one of the tables.

 

“Everythings is there,“ Niylah held out the bag for Clarke.

 

“Thank you Niylah,“ Clarke‘s voice warm, fingers brushing hers.

 

“Don’t be a stranger.“ Niylah gave her an intense look, concealing the deeper meaning of her feelings.

 

With a wave, Clarke disappeared through the door.

 

As Clarke was riding back, she let her thoughts wander to Lexa. She didn’t know how to behave around her. She basically had run off going from ignoring every personal border to suddenly back trailing. 

 

With shaky hands Clarke pushed the door open and stepped back into the room, looking the brunette she noticed a forgotten detail. She had neither disinfect all of Lexa’s wounds nor put the bandaging back on. With an annoyed huff, she chastised herself for her childish behavior.

 

"I have to finish your bandaging,“ Clarke acknowledged while setting down her bag. 

 

Green eyes stared intensely at her, "I have noticed, Clarke,“ Lexa responded with a sharp edge in her tone.

 

Clarke flinched at the tone of Lexa’s voice. She couldn’t blame her. With shaky legs she approached Lexa, this time she kept her distance, standing close to the side of the bed. In Lexa’s eyes, she could still detect certain drowsiness, which told her that her fever hadn’t entirely left.

 

“How are you feeling,“ Clarke uttered quietly, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

 

“Hurts,“ Lexa simply stated with a blank expression.

 

Clarke pulled down the covers, Lexa must have pulled up at some point. Her wounds still on display. She reached for the tincture to properly disinfect the wounds. Pouring it on a clean cloth, she tried to avoid eye contact. “I’m sorry I ran out on you, it was a pretty childish move.“

 

“You think?“

 

Clarke nodded, cloth connecting with Lexa’s wound, drawing a hiss from the brunette’s lips. Everything in her yearned for her eyes to lift, to reconnect her eyes with of green forests. Focusing on her task, she cleaned the cloth in a water bowl moving to Lexa’s wound on her chest, between her breasts. With a sharp intake of breath, Clarke focused on the wound instead, getting lost in the view, fingertips itching to explore. Suddenly her hand was stilled by Lexa’s. Clarke closed her eyes.

 

“Clarke…“ Lexa’s voice was pleading, calling for the attention of the blonde.

 

“Lexa, don’t-“ Clarke didn’t finish her sentence, not sure what exactly she wanted to say.

 

“Don’t what, Clarke?“ Her voice was daring.

 

_Don’t do something you cannot erase, don’t get me into something I have to lose again, I’ve lost enough_ . Clarke’s thoughts were running, her tongue growing numb, not able to express her thoughts. Chest heaving in desperate need for air, she lowered her eyes. Drowning in green which reminded her of the serene of the forest, afternoons between leaves and blooming flowers. Clarke sent a silent plea, Lexa’s thumb caressing the back of her hand, then moving her hand a bit to the left to the swell of her breasts, their eyes fluttering closed, Clarke could feel the loud, fast heartbeat against her palm.

 

"I have to finish this Lexa,“ Clarke muttered with an apologetic look. 

 

Lexa’s eyes opened, she could see the disappointment in them. A single nod and Clarke’s hand was freed. 

 

With Lexa’s eyes fixing on the wall Clarke finished her task, sterilizing the wounds, then wrapping them back into the bandages. Clarke pretended not to hear the silent whimpers and hitches of breath leaving Lexa’s throat. At some point Clarke helped Lexa into a sitting position, bandaging her, checking on the light scratches on her back which didn’t need too much attention. Neither of them pointing out Clarke’s fingers tracing the black ink on her back, sending shivers through Lexa’s body. 

 

Clarke was relieved once she finished taking care of Lexa, the brunette went back to sleep afterwards, still weakened by her injuries and still a light fever apparent. While Lexa was in a deep slumber, Clarke started cooking soup for them, outside on the fire stove. The fresh air gave her the feeling she could finally breathe again.

 

 

———————

 

Lexa’s eyes fluttered open. Peace. That’s how Lexa would describe the feeling she had when she watched Clarke sitting against the wall a feather scratching over a paper. A foreign feeling to her, considering she always was in motion, barely staying in one place. The events of the day flashed back to her. Her body was still on fire, and she couldn’t blame her increased body temperature for it.  _What am I doing?_ she questioned herself while she studied Clarke. The blonde’s forehead knitted in concentration, tongue sticking out of the corner of her lip. They didn’t even have a proper talk, they barely knew each other, and still, she had this aching feeling in her chest. Aching for Clarke’s proximity. 

 

“Hey…“ escaped Lexa’s raspy throat.

 

Clarke lifted her eyes. They were holding each other's gazes for a moment. Lexa moved her body to the side her hands resting on the pillow she bedded her face on them.

 

The healer lifted her eyebrows, “What did I say about that position?“ she asked, lecturing Lexa. 

 

Lexa chuckled and rolled her eyes. “My back needs a break.“

 

“Fine,“ Clarke put her things aside and rose, “I cooked soup.“

 

Lexa’s eyes lightened up. She hadn’t realized how empty her stomach had become.

 

“Where did you go earlier?“, Lexa was curious about how the blonde stocked herself.

 

“Niylah’s trading post, she owes me one,“ Clarke shuffled around.

 

Lexa rose her eyebrows, “Niylah?“

 

Clarke stopped her movements. She didn’t want to give away too much of herself. “She helped me out when I came here. I helped her too with some deliveries in return.“

 

Lexa nodded, wondering if there was more to that story. A flash of jealousy running in her veins.

 

Clarke picked up on it, “Please. Not like that Lexa,“ Clarke chuckled.

 

“I didn’t say anything,“ her voice was a pitch too high.

 

 

With Clarke sitting on the ground her back leaning against the bed and Lexa in a somewhat half sitting position they started eating their soups in silence. Lexa was sure Clarke kept her physical distance at this point, she didn’t dare to mention it. 

 

"So why are you living out here all by yourself,“ Lexa asked in a weak attempt to make a conversation.

 

Clarke set her empty dish aside and leaned the back of her head against the mattress, still sitting on the floor. "Why did I find you injured and unconscious in the dirt?“, a challenging glint appeared in Clarke’s eyes as she turned her head, her eyes fixating on Lexa.

 

Fair enough. 

 

"I asked first,“ Lexa dared.

 

"Some complicated circumstances,“ was Clarke’s weary answer, 

 

Lexa rose her eyebrows in curiosity, "Enlighten me. I think we have enough time.“

 

Lexa almost missed Clarke’s mumbled, “far from enough.“ but she didn’t say anything. “My father was killed, my mother and I couldn’t move on from that, and things got tensed, then I moved out here.“

 

“You didn’t have anyone to stay with? Living as a woman alone in the woods isn’t exactly safe.“

 

Clarke laughed sarcastically, “I didn’t want to,“ she emphasized, “I couldn’t bear to stay around,“ Lexa noticed Clarke attempt not to get into too many details, she didn’t press further. After a moment Clare turned her head and looked back at her. “The fact that I rescued you should be an indicator that I can look out for myself just fine, Lexa.“

 

Lexa smiled sadly, “That is true, Clarke. It just looks a bit…lonely.“

 

“Maybe that is what I need,“ Clarke responded seriously.

 

_Or what you want_ , Lexa thought to herself. 

 

“Are you trained in fighting?“ That was something Lexa had asked herself for some time now, wondering if the woman would be capable of defending herself.

 

Clarke nodded, “I don’t like it though, war can go to hell.“ 

 

“War is brawling Clarke, you can’t hide from it forever,“ Lexa said softly.

 

“For now I can. It took my father from me.“ Clarke's eyes were glowing with unshed tears, Lexa understood the young woman. Her way of coping was storming right into the battle, but she could empathize with the feeling of walking away instead. “Now it’s your turn.“

 

“Damn“ for a moment Lexa had been hopeful that she forgot. Lexa wanted to know the whole story of Clarke. She didn’t ask though, scared of overstepping, afraid of Clarke retreating into her shell. She had to give her something in return though.

 

"Let’s say I upset the wrong people,“ Lexa tried to wring herself out of the conversation.

 

Clarke seemed to know exactly what she was doing, a pointed look, “duh,“ Clarke rolled her eyes.

 

“I’m some kind of a warrior, sometimes the people on the other side take measures to take out the threatening ones,“ it wasn’t exactly a lie, well that was what Lexa told herself.

 

“Some kind?“

 

“Clarke,“ Lexa said in warning.

 

It had the desired effect. Clarke rose her hands in defeat, showing Lexa that she wouldn’t press any further.

 

“Once I’m up again you have to show me your fighting skills,“ Lexa said with a playful smirk, moving away from the dangerous fields they began to step on.

 

Clarke laughed at that, her eyes lightening up, which was precisely Lexa’s goal. “I don’t think that’s wise Lexa. Your injuries create a disadvantage.“

 

Lexa scoffed, "Please I could take you in my sleep.“

 

The room now getting lighter and lighter with the playful banter, they got lost in their conversation. Sharing stories about their experiences, neither of them going too deep, both aware of the fact that they should avoid getting too attached.

 

At some point, Clarke noticed Lexa’s heavy eyelids. The sun had long set, the candles around the cabin and the fire of the chimney were the only sources of light. The flames danced on Lexa’s cheeks, while she told her a story about how she had helped an old lady which hit on her afterwards.

 

“Really? And what did you do?“, Clarke asked laughing. 

 

“Please. You can’t possibly question that,“ Lexa rolled her eyes a tired smile on her lips. 

 

Clarke snorted, “You’re right.“ Clarke rose to her feet, “I think you should rest, not that I don’t enjoy our conversation,“ she stated, a yawn escaping her reinforced the statement.

 

"It got quite late huh?“ Lexa said relaxing into the mattress. 

 

"Yup,“ Clarke was about to retreat when a hand caught her arm. With raised eyebrows, she sent Lexa a silent question.

 

"Where are you going?“ 

 

"Uh, to my bed?“ Clarke said weakly, aware of what would come next. 

 

“Come on. I thought we got over that.“

 

“Lexa I-“

 

“I will behave, I promise,“ Lexa pressed seriously. “I feel guilty when I witness you massaging your muscles the whole day.“

 

Both of them knew this was an excuse and not a reason.

 

“You’re too observant.“

 

“And you’re too stubborn.“

 

Clarke sighed in defeat. “Fine give me a minute,“ she said moving to her drawing box getting out a robe to wear. The change of clothes would give her an opportunity to collect herself. Still feeling Lexa’s touch on her arm, she removed her leather clothes to replace them with a robe. Usually, she slept naked, but that was something she couldn’t handle, and she didn’t want to sleep in her uncomfortable clothes again. She realized her mistake as soon as she felt Lexa’s eyes on her skin. Even though her back was facing Lexa, she could feel her staring. Her body was reacting immediately, chest closing, skin burning.  _Great. Why does Lexa have to be so persistent and why do I have to been so weak to her demands?_ The universe didn’t play fair, uniting them just to part them later. 

Candles were blown out, and fire reduced to a minimum. Clarke laid down stiffly beside Lexa. Trying desperately to get some air into her lungs she fixated her gaze on the ceiling, their bodies centimeters apart. Lexa mimicked her position. As she closed her eyes, drowning in the burning feeling of want and craving, she felt a hand on top of hers. A thumb caressing her skin softly. Both released a breath in unison.

She stayed wide awake, her body and soul aching for the brunette. Her resistance crumbling with every passing second. 

 

—————

 

Lexa didn’t dare to look to the side. Her promise putting weight on her which didn’t let her move. With her hand still resting on Clarke’s, she felt a burning sensation everywhere on her body. Her heart pounding against her chest, her mind gravitating everywhere. “I will behave, I promise.“ A pledge hanging between them which was not hers to break. She didn’t know how much time had passed, alternating between passing out and coming back to consciousness, feeling like every minute she slept she would miss out something. Something that she couldn’t get back. 

 

“Clarke…“ she whispered into the night, her throat clenched by the gravity of the moment. It was obvious that the other girl wasn’t sleeping, her breath was way too erratic. 

 

A swallow broke the silence. She heard shuffling beside her, “Lexa…“ a whisper into thick air. Lexa could feel the body heat of Clarke, knowing that she must be almost touching her, without opening her eyes. A soft touch against her cheek, hair strand tugged behind her ear. 

 

“Open your eyes, Lexa,“ a plead into the night. 

 

Lexa exhaled, not quite ready for what was to follow if she obeyed. 

 

“It’s funny isn’t it?“ Lexa whispered, not exactly sure what she wanted to express.

 

Soft fingertips were drawing her cheekbones, which left a tickling sensation on her skin. 

 

“What do you mean?“ 

 

“I don’t know you, you don’t know me. Tell me I’m not insane and you feel it too.“ Her voice was cracking. She addressed it for the first time out loud what both of them tried to deny so desperately. 

 

“I do." 

 

“Is fate mocking us?“

 

“I don’t believe in fate.“

 

“I am starting to question that myself.“

 

“Don’t lose your faith just because of this,“ Clarke’s nose ghosted along her neck, Lexa threw her head back releasing a soft gasp, stomach twisting.

 

“I’m used to fighting for my life, but I’m not sure if I’m going to survive this, I don’t know if I can, I don’t know if I want to,“ 

 

“We will survive.“

 

“It’s almost ironic that now I am the one chickening out right?“

 

“No, you knew I would backtrack,“ Clarke’s hand connected with her stomach, lightly and careful not to hurt her, it set Lexa on fire even though furs were separating them, “now you know I won’t.“

 

“Do you think we’re going to regret this if we stop now?“

 

“Yes,“ she felt Clarke’s forehead against hers, eyes still closed, “I think it could haunt you endlessly.“

 

“But it is easier to forget.“

 

“Do you want to forget.“

 

“No,“ Lexa admitted, “I don’t, I don’t think I can.“

 

“Then open your eyes, Lexa.“ 

Lexa gulped. She knew Clarke could have made a move the whole time. She wouldn’t have rejected her. She wouldn’t have been able to. But Clarke wanted her to decide. A knowledge which made her fall even more. 

 

Lexa opened her eyes. Blue watery eyes stared back at her. She was drowning but in a good way. She felt free, like she was staring into the universe, her universe. No metaphor could have grasped what she was feeling. No words could have described the intensity of the emotions. Clarke’s eyes flickered between Lexa’s eyes and her lips. A warm feeling spread through her body; she felt grounded, safe even. Her mouth was dry. She wetted her lips. With hot cheeks and shaky breath, she tilted her head. Clarke getting the hint, met her halfway, a tear fell on Lexa’s nose. As their lips connected, Lexa’s eyes fluttered closed. Colors spreading behind her eyelids, suddenly everything fell into place. Their lips dancing in unison, a storm of emotions raging through her body. Her chest opened, she took a breath through her nose.

The weight which had been there since she met Clarke’s eyes for the first time lifted, replaced by the taste of something she couldn’t have. Lexa finally let go, her hands disappearing in blonde hair, teeth grazing at Clarke’s lip, drawing a moan which she gladly swallowed. They unleashed, furs were removed, Clarke’s robe met the ground, both shared a deep moan once their bodies melted into one another without a barrier. Lexa’s nails sunk into Clarke’s shoulders while the blonde connected their cores, careful not to put too much weight on Lexa’s body. They were holding on to their bodies desperately, the need to soothe the anxiety of loss apparent. Hands drew their bodies to memorize every inch. Gravitating around one another they spent the night merging their souls. 

 

 

———————

 

Clarke placed soft kisses on Lexa’s back, who was lying on her side facing the wall. Her fingertips traced the black ink on Lexa’s skin. She moved chestnut hair over her shoulder to have a free view. Then her palm ran down the length of her side.

 

“Are you in pain?“, she whispered, worried that she may have overdone it at their earlier actions. 

 

“I’m okay,“ Lexa replied with a sleepy voice. 

 

“I have to redo those bandages though,“ her mind moving back to the moment where Lexa had basically begged for Clarke to remove the disturbing material.

 

“Later,“ Lexa mumbled.

 

“Lexa if they get infected…“

 

Lexa reached behind her for Clarke’s arm and put it around herself. “they won‘t.“

 

Clarke chuckled, “Okay but later, seriously.“ She emphasized.

 

“Mhm,“ with that Lexa was sound asleep.

 

Clarke put her forehead between Lexa’s shoulder blades, blinking away tears. She wished they could stay like this forever.

 

…

 

With a huff Lexa landed on her back, her injuries healed up well, but the impact still caused a sharp pain spreading through her upper body.

 

“Shit, are you okay?“ Clarke kneeled beside her, worry evident in her face. 

 

“I’m fine I’m fine,“ Lexa replied, her hands moving in a dismissive gesture.

 

Clarke’s look changed into a smirk, “That’s all you’ve got?“

 

Lexa rolled her eyes, “I’m playing it safe.“

 

Clarke let out a warm laugh, “Mhm whatever you say.“

 

Lexa changed into a sitting position, “I just wanted to test your skills“ with a fast movement she grabbed Clarke’s body now leaning into Lexa and switched them around. Clarke’s body now colliding with the ground she released a huff. “Never get too full of yourself during a battle,“ Lexa said in a low tone, tugging a blonde strand of hair behind Clarke’s ear. 

 

Clarke swallowed, she didn’t miss the short glance at her lips. Lexa broke into a smile and leaned down, without a second thought, connecting their lips. The kiss was soft. A soft sigh left Clarke before she could feel teeth tugging at her lip. Hands trailed down Lexa’s back leaving a burning sensation behind, Clarke’s hips moved up pressing their centers together. Lexa couldn’t contain a moan. Then with one sudden movement Clarke turned them around.

 

Clarke came up for air a smirk on her lips, “You’re one to talk.“

 

Again Clarke left her breathless. It wasn’t the first time since the carefully drawn line between them broke, and they finally gave in to their desires. Shared tears and hours of worshipping their bodies had followed. Lexa was surprised her recovery wasn’t slowed down in the process. Wandering hands and kisses against sweaty skin still couldn’t erase the heart wrecking reality, Lexa had to leave, there was no coming back from that. 

 

With a sad smile, Lexa put her arms around Clarke’s neck, pulling her into a tight hug. The hitch in Clarke’s breath indicated that she was aware of what would come next. 

 

“You have to leave right?“ Clarke said with a broken voice, which was like needles piercing through Lexa’s heart.

 

Lexa nodded into the embrace. 

 

Clarke’s nose nuzzled into Lexa’s neck, Lexa tightened her arms around Clarke. 

 

“I’m sorry,“ was all Lexa could say. 

 

Without another word Clarke got up, swatting the dust from her pants. She was chewing on her lip nervously. 

 

This was it. 

 

“I should-“

 

“You-“

 

They shared a sad smile. Clarke gestured for Lexa to go first.

 

“I guess now that I witnessed your proper self-defense techniques, I can leave knowing you won’t get killed first thing in the morning.“ It was Lexa’s lame attempt to lift the mood.

 

Clarke gave a forced smile, “Have a safe trip.“

 

One could have taken offense by the lack of deeper meaning in those words, but after they exploited their connection and meaningful touches had been shared throughout their hours, there was no need for that. They shouldn’t make this harder than it already was.

 

Lexa responded with a genuine smile, “Thank you. Take care Clarke.“

 

They nodded at each other. Sharing one last intense look, they communicated with their souls what words couldn’t express. Lexa slung her bag with provisions packed by Clarke over her shoulder and turned around. 

 

With slow steps, she disappeared into the woods, the bang of a wooden door being closed echoed through the air. She had to take advantage of the fact that she was currently considered dead. But her legs were heavy with the need to turn around.

 

_To hell with this._

 

 

—————

 

Lexa was slowly receding. An invisible hand reached out for Lexa, Clarke’s heart sinking with every step the brunette took. She turned away from the scene, approaching her door with fast steps. If she wouldn’t turn around, she would probably end up screaming desperately, running, clinging onto the person she wanted so desperately to stay.

 

With the pang of the door closing behind her, she leaned her back against wood, gasping, her shaky hands tried to keep tears from spilling all over her cheeks. It was pointless. 

 

A soft knock cut the silence. Wood vibrated slightly against her spine.

 

She spinned around, ripped the door open in hope — just one more time.

 

Watery green eyes collided with hers. Lexa was standing in front of her, chest rising and falling fastly.

 

How did she fail to notice how good Lexa looked in her garments? She grabbed Lexa forcefully by the collar and dragged her back into the room. 

 

Lips crashed together, tongues desperately fighting for dominance. Shoes, pants, every piece of clothing sprawled out on the wooden floor.

 

Their bodies collided with the mattress, teeth, nails dragging on sweaty skin. Kisses became salty with tears. 

 

“I couldn’t leave like that,“ Lexa stated breathlessly between moans. She trailed kisses down Clarke’s neck, shoulders and finally her mouth closed around her stiff nipple, green eyes never leaving hers.

 

Clarke arched back into the mattress letting out a raspy cry in pleasure. She fought against her falling eyelids. She didn’t want to miss one heartbeat. Lexa’s look was intense, increasing the wave of pleasure Clarke’s body was shaking with.

 

“Lexa please,“ Clarke whimpered. 

 

Lexa’s lips trailed down her chest, stomach, tongue dipping into her belly button. Strong hands spread Clarke’s thighs apart. 

 

“I’m here Clarke,“ Lexa ensured Clarke. 

 

Clarke reached for Lexa’s hand intertwining their fingers when Lexa’s mouth finally arrived where she needed her most. Her hand disappeared in brown curls.

 

“Lexa!“, Clarke cried out. Her body was floating in the feeling of Lexa’s tongue against her clit.

 

It was short but intense, Clarke didn’t last long, too wound up by the emotional weight. Tears spilled down her cheeks while her whole body shook in pleasure and pain at the same time. 

 

Not taking a moment to recover, she took Lexa’s face between her hands pulling her up. Kissing her deeply, she groaned at the taste of herself on Lexa’s lips. She turned them around, Lexa’s face scrunched in pain for a short moment. Clarke was too caught up to care. Desperately she closed her teeth around the skin at Lexa’s neck, her tongue tasting copper. Receiving a groan in response, her hand moved down between them entering Lexa without warning. The brunette threw her head back, a deep moan escaping her lips. With a fast pace pumping in and out Lexa, she studied in awe Lexa’s mouth opening and closing, gasping for air, her face tensing in pleasure. Clarke kissed Lexa’s forehead, her temples, her cheeks, while tears fell down sharp cheekbones. Buried knuckles deep inside Lexa, soft walls were clenching around her fingers. A few strokes with her thumb over the brunette’s clit and the brunette came undone. Clarke’s vision was spinning with the sight of Lexa arching her back, her body shivering in pleasure. Their eyes never leaving each other, the world around them forgotten for this moment. 

 

After Lexa came down from her orgasm, Clarke’s forehead collided with her chest, her body shaking in soft sobs.

 

“Don’t you dare forget about me,“ she threatened between sobs, her voice broken. Fully aware that she didn’t have the right to ask for anything.

 

Lexa started massaging her scalp, “I won’t, how could I.“ 

 

Clarke lifted her head, witnessing the tears shining on Lexa’s cheek, she moved her thumb to catch them. 

 

Without any word, they broke apart. In silence they dressed, Clarke fixed Lexa’s collar and messy hair. 

 

“I didn’t mean to make this any more heart wrenching,“ Lexa glanced on the floor between them, “but it just didn’t feel right.“

 

Clarke’s heart sank. Evidently, Lexa worried about the correctness of her actions. She lifted the other girl’s chin. 

 

“This was what we needed,“ her palm rested on Lexa’s cheek, who leaned into the touch with a sad smile, “this was how it was supposed to go.“

 

Nodding in agreement, Lexa sighed relieved. Clarke took a step back. 

 

“I could come with you,“ Clarke stated weakly, her mind in desperate need to come up with something.

 

“We both know that’s not a good idea,“ Lexa’s voice sounded collected, but her eyes told a whole different story.

 

“But-“

 

“You made a conscious decision not to participate in war Clarke. With me you would be surrounded by war,“ Lexa explained further in respect for the special connection they seemed to share, “I have my own demons. You barely know an inch of me.“

 

“It’s a beautiful inch,“ she whispered.

 

“The most beautiful things can’t cover the dark Clarke, it’s not our time, and you know that. You can’t just come with because this feels like a romantic love fairytale, life is not like that.“

 

It hurt. Like a cold hand grabbing her heart. But her head told her that Lexa was right.

 

“Maybe one day, when we both took care of our duties we could…“

 

Lexa nodded. “I will find you,“ Lexa promised solemnly as she extended her arm, “May we meet again, Clarke,“

 

“May we meet again, Lexa,“ she replied grasping Lexa’s arm with hers. 

 

When the door closed the room suddenly seemed colder. Clarke sank on the ground, her heart shattering; something she herself couldn’t understand. All she knew was that with Lexa also a part of her left, the part she had given her. 

 

While Lexa disappeared back to where she came from, she felt the same. But the pieces they gave each other would strengthen them for the future. 

 

That was what they both hoped.

**Author's Note:**

> So folks here is my second entry for Clexaweek 2019! 
> 
> This is gonna get a second part, but it might take a while. Please come back for it! It's gonna be posted in the Series I created.  
> I hope you enjoy this one, it was fun to write!  
> I am really happy about the feedback for the fic I posted yesterday!
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> I started to plan my first multi-chapter fic. Hopefully you guys check that one out once I'm posting it! :)
> 
> Kudos to Phoenix for the beta!
> 
> And of course, again, special thanks and endless Kudos to my girlfriend, you helped a lot with this!
> 
>  
> 
> -Saturn
> 
> My Tumblr: lexaxsaturnx
> 
> P.S: The whole series is LOOSELY inspired by Assasins Creed Odyssey.


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